Warlock: Master of the Arcane Giveaway! CLOSED
THIS GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED
(13/5/12 Update #1) Thank you for all the fantastic entries to the giveaway. I’ve managed to stop rolling around laughing now and am in the process of emailing winners with the keys.
Sorry if you didn’t win a key, I wish I had more to give you. Ian
(13/5/12 Update # 2) Guess what….I’ve invoked two more Warlock keys to give away! I’ll be posting them from the official GameTwonk Twitter account at around 1pm – that’s in about five minutes! Follow @GameTwonk
Developed by Ino-Co Plus and published by Paradox Interactive, Warlock: Master of the Arcane brings turn-based strategy and global conquest to the magical world of Ardania.
The latest game in the Majesty series puts the player in the role of a great warlock, whose task is to build a mighty empire, develop powerful spells and dominate the vast lands.
I’ve used my own amazing magical skills to conjure up five Warlock: Master of the Arcane key codes, for activation on the wizard’s cauldron that is Steam, and I want to give them to you!
To win one of these enchanting codes, simply comment below telling us a joke about a warlock, mage, wizard, witch or any other spell-casting being. It’s really that easy.
Five winners will be chosen this weekend.
Winners will be contacted by email and announced here.
No third parties will receive any email addresses or other information about you – guaranteed.
Warlock: Master of the Arcane on Steam
Released May 8, 2012
GameTwonk 
What is a metal mage destined to keep things out? A doorlock. WAKA WAKA
What do you call a midget wizard who has just escaped from prison?
A Small Medium at Large!
Hahaaaa very good. You win a key!
Awesome – thanks!
What does a wizard use to keep his chest safe?
A Warlock
What do you call a Warlock on vacation?
A mage!
Bah-dah-bing! 🙂
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Heard this one long time ago… one of my word-play faves.
A wizard’s staff has a knob on the end, knob on the end, knob on the end
A wizard’s staff has a knob on the ennndddd!
What he does with it is magic!
A wizard’s staff has a knob on the end
And runes run up the shaft
It’s long and proud and stiff and loud
It’s the pride of wizardcraft.
(…)
A wizard’s staff has a knob on the end
And you may think it’s tragic
That no matter how strong or thick or long
All he can do with it is magic.
Being a huge Wicked-fan, I present to you this joke based on (a variation of) the words of The Wizard:
Why does a wizard cast a Fireball?
Everyone deserves a chance to fry!
Why do witches only ride their brooms after dark?
That’s the time to go to sweep!
How do wizards make the perfect steak? They SEER it first before SCRYING it with a bit of butter.
There once was an old lady who lived with her old house with her cat. One day she was working in the yard when she found an old lamp. She rubbed the lamp and out came a genie who agreed to grant her three wishes for having freed him from the lamp.
For the first wish, the old lady wanted to be young again, and so the genie granted her wish.
For the second wish, the old lady wanted to live in a beautiful house, and so the genie granted her wish.
For her third wish, the old lady wished to turn her cat into a handsome young man. The genie worked his magic and the cat instantly transformed into a handsome young man. He smiled at her and said, “Now don’t you regret having me fixed?”
Oops I meant to say ‘an old lady who lived IN her old house with her cat.’
Q:What’s an ugly wizard’s favorite spell?
A:The Greater Date Rape spell!
Anyways, thanks Ian, you are freaking awesome for giving away codes and I honestly wouldn’t of known about this awesome game without this article! Love your reviews and articles!
Also I hope nobody makes multiple comments 😦 that would ruin the fun…
Peace..
Thanks for your kind comments, David. Unfortunately, jokes about rape don’t win prizes!
What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus?
The police made him give it back.
That’s so bad it’s good! You win a key!
I once saved a wizard’s life. As thanks he said he would grant me any wish i chose. I thought long and hard about it..
“I wanted a road built around the entire world, this will bring all the countries together and help bring about world peace.”
He looked shocked, “That is stupid, do you realise the logistics of that? I would have to move mountains, create bridges that span thousands of miles! Think of something else”
“Ok,” I replied “In which case I would just like to understand how my wife’s mind works”
“So how many lanes do you want on this road then?”
Heheh. This is a great parable. Have a key!
Mrs. Warlock: “Honey, why don’t you have sex with me anymore? Don’t you like women?”
Mr. Warlock: “Sorry dear, I’m just more into MANNA these days.”
One day I saw a wizard walk down the street and turn into a drugstore.
yo momma so ugly that she can fear without mana
What do you call a mage who has puffed up by inhaling the “holy smoke”?
High Mage.
what do you get what you have a wizard as your bartender? A “you shall not passion fruit” drink XD
What happened when the warlock got a computer?
HE DIDN’T TURN OF CAPSLOCK
What creature does a wizard wish not to show up when he is drinking in the tavern with his friends?
*angry ghoul-friend*
Oh my, that’s terrible. You win a key!
One day, a Lord was running late for his annual fortune telling. As he finally sauntered up to the door of the soothsayers hut, the door opened and the witch start shouted, “Why are you late!?!”
At this, the Lord replied, “You tell me.”
(Took 2-3 attempts to find a punchline I liked.)
What do you call a Wizard from Outer Space?
A Flying Sorcerer.
How do you get a wizard to change a light bulb?
You dont. A wizard NEVER memorize the light spell, and they sure as hell aint doing manual labour.
Wonderful. Have a key. – This is for Greg BTW 😉
What agreement should a sorceror make before engaging a succubus?
A prenupt!
Why did the wizard go to the hospital?
He had a staff infection
Why did the wizard decapitate his opponent?
To get a head of the competition.
What did the wizard put on the no parking sign?
Violators will be toads:)
The Tale of the Anti-globalization Witch.
In Fairytale Country in the Fairytale Forest once lived a witch but don’t worry it was a nice witch for this is not a Horror tale like Hansel and Gretel. The wich ate predominantly vegetarian. Only when the money grew short at the end of the month she thined down her soup with Child’s meat but she stayed meticulously only to eat bad Children. Often Parents from the nearby villages brought their naughty children to the witch themself and received from her Herbs and Powders against backpain, Erectile dysfunction and spam mails. the latter did not work particulary well but the people recognized her good will because they where good people themself. But the good Witch from the Fairytale forest in Fairytale Country had a little flaw: she was horrible old-fashioned a thousand houseware salesmen had tried to explain to her how comfortable and low in fat where to cook with the help of a modern electric stove but the good witch rather cooked over a small sooting wood flame and turned the good willing salesmen into toads. She killed these toads with a shovel, dryed them and crushed the remains to a powder. the same powder from wich she unsuccessfully tried to crate a remedy against spam mails. Perhabs she would have realized the futility of her efforts if she had a little more expierence with spam herself but she was so old fashioned that she had didn’t want a Computer or Internet access in her three legged witch house. Only an Old Black and White TV presented a window to the modern world but it only tuned in to a single albanian TV shopping channel and she never turned it on.
In short the Witch was completely oblivious and had no clue what out there in the world around her happened. she never heard about globalization and so she was very surprised when one day a herald of the king knocked on her dor to announce that she would have to vacate the fairytale forest within a month because it had to be completely cut down to make way for parking spots.
“Oh?” Said the astonished witch? “but there are not enough cars in the whole fairytale forest for that many parking spots!” The Herald smiled because he expected this objection for he knew that the good witch was an old fashioned and clueless witch too: “Of course you’re right but we’re living in a time of globalization. The parking spots are intended for export. The Carboom in China means a lage upswing for the parking spot industry. Fairytale Forest parkingspotts are very popular in the Chinese middle class because the domestic parking spot industry can not deliver the same kind of quality. Fairytale country must size this opportunity. we simply can not leave this to the competitors and the counterfeiters.”
He looked her in the eyes and sait with a warm voice: “I’m sure you’re realize that right?” But she didn’t and so she turned the Herald into a Toad wich she killed with her shovel, dryed and crushed it to a powder wich worked wonders against the headache the herald caused her.
Only a week later the next Herald knocked on her door. “who’s there?” she shouted out the window because she had no intercom. “newfangled bells and whistles!” she said as once a door to doo salesmen praised the advantages of such a device and so turned him into a toad and made a powder against corn out of the unlucky guy. “The Herald of the King!” came the answer before he explained to her that she had to leave the fairytale forest within three weeks because it had to be cut down to make way for parking spots and that she shoulden’t jeopardize the future of Fairytale Country and so on. But the good witch was not only a Old fashioned witch but also a stubborn, obstinate and reactionary witch and shortly thereafter the herald found himself turned into a toad quickly killed, dryed and crushed to a powder as part of a wonderfull cure agains headaches. But only a week later the next Herald stood before her door and announced that she had to vacate the Fairytale forest within two weeks because of known reasons.He suggested a generous compensation payment and a beautiful new apartment in the big city where a lot more bad children live than in the little villages around fairytale forest and also he promised that the bad city kids are a lot fatter because of MCDonalds and such. This made the good witch think about the offer but there was no reason to complain about a lack of child replenishment because word got around that she came up with a wonder-cure againd headaches and troubled mothers came from the big city with their unbearable brood to trade them for the wonder powder. The Witch already cut down a hundred trees and set up customer parking spots very cheap ones from poland incidentally because the native ones are way to expansive. The Herald at least walked the way his predecessors walked and was for the first time in his live usefull – as a powder against headaches and as next week the next Herald came the Witch didn’t even listen to him anymore, she turned him into a frog immediately instead. The Herald had no objection to that because this way he at least didn’t have to come up with something to say because the King only told him to go to the witch and tell her ANYTHING because the King was a wise King and he recognized that the Headache-powder market was way more promising than the one for parking spots and also that he did not need to fear competition with other wonder-powder makes for there where none.
So it happened that he appointed Herald after herald wich he sent to the fairytale forest to be pulverized wich also reduced the number of the unemplyed in the long term. But to be precise you couldn’t really talk about a fairytale “forest” anymore because slowly the Witch cut down three after three to make way for Parkingspots, Warhouses and a marketing department. Bad children came in from all around the world, mostly freeze-dried for easier and cheaper transportation. So much that the Witch couldn’t eat them all by herself anymore so she opened a specialty restauren. Fairytale Country flourished magnificently and sometimes in the evening when the witch sat on her freshly earned goldcoin mountain and bad-child bones nibbled and watched the Albanian shopping channel on a 120Inch Plasma TV she chuckled and tought: “how could i be so much against Globalization?”
And what do we learn from this nice little tale? Golbalization is a neat thing from wich we all profit. don’t fight against it you can’t do anything against it and even if you do you only help it adanve further.
the end
Thanks for this truly massive entry – I’ve arranged a quiet couple of days next week to read it all 😉
Haha even if i didn’t i hope you have fun reading it. i know i had fun whriting it. :3
whooops another one of my famous typos. i meant to type “even if i didn’t win,”
Why are there no witches in the desert? – Cause sandwiches are too delicious.
a warlock walks into a bar. OUCH!